The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
