see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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