Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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