How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
