ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
