I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
