It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
