Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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