i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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