so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
