I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
