I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
