No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
