can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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