so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
