Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
