I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
