you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
