I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
