He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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