what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my phone needs a breathalizer
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
