I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she peed on how many people?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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