Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
