I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
