hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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