Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
