Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
we're so committed to being not committed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
