I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
