so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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