I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
