OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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