I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
