i don't like sucking hair
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
