a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
