haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We got so high we made milksteak
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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