Do vagina's smell?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
