i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
