Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
