Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
