ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
