no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
