when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
