I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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