My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
