What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
