He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
