well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
