i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
