I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
