i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
